TSN Investigates: The ‘Army Hopper’

This is a post for the TSN segment of “TSN Investigates.” I’m Shiver, possibly the sole provider of content on this whole damned site.

Today, we cover the Army Hopper. If you are in ACP or are a huge fucking noob, you may be wondering: what is an Army Hopper?

Army Hopper
/armee hawpor/

Noun
A user who cannot sit their ass down in a single army. Often joins armies that die fast or die as a result of them joining. Are often disloyal to any army they are in. Create several small armies in their career.

Synonyms

UMA troop — No-life troop — Hurri

Army hoppers often join / create “fad armies” ; armies with stupid ass names like Dolphins, Reds, or Pink Ice. They can also be cheap food names, such as the fucking Ice Cream Sandwiches or whatever the hell that army Hurri led was called. These armies often look promising and make everyone piss themselves in excitement before they are killed by the Nachos and / or get defaced and die (often due to or directly because of the army hopper.)

Army hoppers often dickride on the success of another leader, such as Dx, Saw, Flo, Matt, and whoever the hell led UMA to a stable period of peace. They often have long ass resumes that don’t mean shit due to those armies dying / not being affected by their ownership. They will often brag about leading an army to a low CPAC ranking, although they do not mention that was the only time they ever made a Top 10, SMAC or CPAC. They are often involved in coups, often couping a valuable leader and causing the army to die. Also common is them being couped themselves.

Army hoppers often come from former Black Alliance armies, such as Pirates, SWAT, or LT. Mostly LT and SWAT though. Oh, and GT. Most graphics artists are also army hoppers, on a side note.

The average army hopper joins 6 armies in their career. If lucky, they can cure themselves of this plague by joining the Nachos! Because here at the Nachos, we have no army hoppers (at least not that we know of.) Or alternatively, quit armies altogether (this is confirmed to cure all ailments relating to this game and community.)

Army hoppers are also in multiple armies at once, often with ownership positions they bitched / bribed their way into. For example, several of HSA’s shitty owners were also in SWAT and DW. Coincidence? Coincidentally, TSN readers voted it the “noob act of the week” for last week. The readers are always right, right?

This was Shiver with the segment, TSN Investigates, on TSN News.

I’m Rich: The Sweet and Elite of Xat and CP Armies

While most of us sit begging for spare days as we stare aimlessly at our empty accounts, there are many who are absolutely living it grand.

Take Boomer20 for example. Due to his status as deity and god of CP armies, he is able to hoard more personal wealth than most European countries even have combined.

Being rich means you are too good to be wasting your time on ACP chat (or any other army chats.) Instead, you lock yourself away in a chat full of wealthy compatriots while you indulge on high-value powers while you laugh at the poor and unfortunate of Xat. Mocking your lesser peers, you throw away powers such as the coveted Namecolor without a care in the world, showing 10,000 xats is nothing more a nickel you find on the ground. At least thats what our correspondents wired back to us after a party in their elitist getaway.

Lets get started on some of the wealthiest in our community.

1. Boomer20 

Boomer, being the Eternal Protector and god of CP armies and ACP, is the richest person to ever grace our insignificant souls. Not only does he outvalue us in political power, he also has more wealth than all of us combined. Throwing huge parties on “dahottub,” a socialite hangout, he shows no care for his partying habits, although he occasionally goes to fuck shit up in ACP. While some believe Boomer extorted most of his wealth as sacrifices during ACP prayer, it can also be attributed to his attitude toward buying virtual currency. Some say he is a cohort of scammers, such as Miroos. Others say he is just naturally rich. The ACP continues to grow his wealth through weekly prayer and sacrifices. Being a god, he resides in nothingness, only coming out to socialize with those like him. He is truly rich, and no one can possibly hope to rival him.

Lord Boomer

2. Iceyfeet1234

Everyone loves Icey. While hes not gloating how the Ice Warriors kick ass (as you can tell he’s stopped much of that,) he hoards incredible wealth said to be innumerable. It is said that all 3 of his credit cards have been maxed out buying xats. Ice Warrior tax funds have also gone missing, later to be realized that Ice Warrior General Albert417 wired them to Iceyfeet to buy powers at a convention in Breeze. This man will stop at nothing to gain wealth, whether it be sacrificing his own treasures or taking others’. His thirst for wealth has also led him to build a fabulous mansion, crafted from pure Antarctic ice and floored with marvelous quartz from the worlds’ highest quality quarries, rumored to be worth almost 500 million xats. It is believed to have 5,400,000 square feet of space; however it is unknown why 1 man needs such a big residence. With over 40% of the Ice Warriors living in poverty inside dirt shacks, it is no wonder Icey feels obligated to live so grand. Unlike other socialites, he hangs out with the Ice Warrior aristocracy and is rather shunning of Boomer and his cronies.

Iceyfeet’s lavish ice palace funded by his credit cards

3. Waterkid100

Unlike other wealthy citizens, Waterkid is a pariah. He lives alone and talks to no one. Being the dictator of his Pirate gang, he is allowed to take funds as he wishes, taking out 100,000 xats at a time to fulfill his wealthy endeavors. None of the heavy taxes his citizens pay go toward anything productive, instead going directly into his pocket (such as Pungy and SMAC adspace.) While all of his army lives in run down apartment buildings and shacks, he lives in a 20 million xat fortress, with robotic guards (considering no one wants to protect them) to protect him from assassination threats from NSSA agents, ITSA agents, and angry Pirates. Executions are also undertaken to shut up dissidents against his policies and wealth. Rumored to be lived in by Pirate King Bid Now, it is a historic castle, built in 2008 in the prosperous Pirate citadel of Migrator (which has since become a banana republic that is a third-world army.) While spending none of his personal treasures to achieve it, Waterkid uses his empire to gain riches, like any smart emperor would. Or in this case, dictator.

Waterkid’s scenic fortress home

This was Shiver on “I’m Rich” for TSN News, wishing our valued readers a good day.

Sports Recap with TSN

Hey guys, Awesum Dood here with a new weekly segement where I write about the world of sports and my take on what’s happening. I may not get to your favorite sport, mostly that’s because it’s probably boring but that’s beyond the point. Let’s get right into it.

Firstly we kick things off with the NFL,

The biggest news overcoming all is the Aaron Hernandez case. If you didn’t know,  the former New England Tight End has been charged with murder of  Odin Lloyd; The shooting was a drive-by style shooting after the group left a club.  Hernandez was arrested on the 26th of June and was released 2 hours after his arrest. Hernandez was an upcoming star in the Patriots lineup with only two years in the league claiming a Pro-Bowl spot, going to the AFC championship, and even winning the BCS National Championship in his college days.

Also in Patriot news, They recently signed QB Tim Tebow after a floundering year with the New York Jets. With Tebow now being Tom Brady’s backup and having the ability to play TE, The Pats have signed an extremely reliable asset in Tebow. Tebow was drafted by the Denver Broncos and took them to the AFC Semi-Finals losing to the Patriots in 2011, but was traded to the New York Jets after the Broncos aquired Peyton Manning in 2012. Tebow had a floundering year in New York among controversy about who should be starting QB between him and face of the franchise Mark Sanchez.  Nothing else recently has happened in the NFL besides Free Agency and Training Camps for all teams do not begin until August.

Now we move to the MLB

In the MLB it’s been the usual stretch coming up to the All Star Game in New York stated for mid-July which calls for the mid-season break for most, but it signals a need for change in others.

As of typing this the Boston Red Sox lead the Baltimore Orioles in the AL East by 3.5 games, I see this as a chance for Boston to finally reclaim former glory from 2007 but the Baltimore Orioles have been a suprisingly tough team in the AL this year but Boston is on a 4 game win streak right now

In the AL Central, the Detroit Tigers are leading the Cleveland Indians by 2 games, Detroit is the defending AL Champions but the Cleveland Indians have been one of the most shocking comeback teams in the league this year.

In the AL West, the Texas Rangers have a .5 game lead on the Oakland Athletics. The closest team besides the A’s (The LA Angels) are a staggering 10 games behind, I feel Texas and the A’s will keep at it until September but Texas has been known to choke in crucial moments *cough* 2010,2011 World Series *cough*.

Now we move to the NL East, with the Atlanta Braves leading over the Washington Nationals and Philadelphia Phillies by 5.5 games and 7.5 games respectively. The Nationals have been a suprisingly tough team who seem to get hot at the right time, but Atlanta is known for staying thorough the entire year. The Phillies however have been slacking in recent years since their 2008 World Series win. They have been known to heat up all hell in September but I don’t know if it’s possible this year.

Sliding into the NL Central, The Pittsburgh Pirates have been atop the St. Lous Cardnals for quite some time. Pittsburgh is usually the ass of the league, but this year they seem to be nothing short of a well oiled machine going into the half way mark

Finishing with the NL West, the Arizona Diamondbacks have a 2.5 game lead over the San Diego Padres. That entire division has been known for mediocre play, but this year has shut down all nay sayers by really performing like a real MLB team

Now in the NBA we all know the Miami Heat beat the San Antonio Spurs in 7 games to win their second title in 3 years but I’m more focused on the NBA Draft. Anthony Bennett was drafted 1st overall by the Cleveland Cavaliers. In trade news, the Philadelphia 76ers traded Jrue Holliday, an up and coming star in Philly to the New Orleans Pelicans for Nerlens Noel and the 42nd overall pick. Nerlens is coming of a big year at Kentucky. Also in big trade news The Boston Celtics traded Kevin Garnett, Jason Terry, and Paul Pierce to the Brooklynn Nets for 5 players and 3 first round picks in the next 3 years. KG, JT, and PP were some of the Celtics main stars but the Celtics have been in a downturn since their famed NBA Final rivalry with the LA Lakers. This trade may spark new life in the team but it may also spark a new light in the Nets.

Slapshooting over to the NHL there has been plenty of news to cover this week.

The Chicago Blackhawks defeated the Boston Bruins on Tuesday in Game 6 of an amazing and brutal Stanley Cup Final. The series was going back and forth with Blackhawks winning game 1, but eventually took the 3-2 lead in Game 5 at home. The Blackhawks trained back to claim their 2nd championship in 4 years. The series was one for the books with players playing very injured and Johnathan Toews, the Blackhawks captain, even playing with a concussion. The Blackhawks won Game 7 3-2 after the Bruins took the lead with 1:30 seconds left in the game but shit the bed, giving up 2 goals in 17 seconds, clinching the cup. The Blackhawks had their parade yesterday to a capacity crowd of the entire Chicago populus. In transaction news, the Philadelphia Flyers bought out goaltender Illya Bryzgalov, who was a flounder in the Flyer’s lineup for 2 years. They have to pay Illya 1.2 million dollars for the next 14 years. This move was Humangus Beeg as Bryz would put it and was a relief for Flyers fans everywhere. Also the Tampa Bay Lightning bought out star Vincent Lecavalier who has been preforming ifish for the kind of pay he has been getting. In possible move news, the Phoenix Coyote’s tenure in Phoenix may be cut after an upcoming vote to decide the fate of the club. The team moved from Winnepeg after the Jets were sold off; since then the Jets have come back to Winnepeg as the former Atlanta Thrashers and Phoenix has been getting Mediocre fan reception since the move. A possible company interested in the team is Quebec City Inc. which could mean a comeback of the Quebec Nordiques, a team who moved to Colorado in 1995.

Now on to a short little soccer segment

the Brazillian team faces a daunting task in facing the Spanish soccer club for the first time since 1999. Since then the Spanish are the defending FIFA World Cup champions after beating the Netherlands in 2010. In short rumors, there’s a rumor that Cristiano Rinaldo may go to Manchester United in a blockbuster signing sometime in July or August. It is not confirmed nor denied By Man U. or Real Madrid, more to come next week

This raps up this week’s coverage of the world of sports, Comment with your take on the news this week and as always…

Stay Sunny TSN Readers

Tables Turned; DCP, ACP, and RPF Attack Nacho Empire

After the tragic gangrape of DW, shit has gone even shittier and has hit the fan.

Nacho Leader Ads354 was at Shiver’s Sex Club 7 when he received the news that a large garrison of ACP, RPF, and DCP troops were headed toward Fjord. He instantly hailed a cab to the Fjord Palace, where he ordered all active-duty soldiers to arms. Nacho Leader Puckley returned from a diplomatic trip earlier today and is currently assembling the army for war. Retired Nacho heroes, such as Danny, have re-enlisted in the Nacho Infantry just to fuck shit up. The 69th Nacho Infantry will make their foray into combat in the far-off Nacho territory of Aurora after defending Fjord from the invading Dark Warriors garrison.

69th Nacho Infantry marching out to battle

 

The ACP has not yet made it clear why they have become huge fucking faggots and decided to side with the noobiest army in CP army history, although it may be due to their ownership being nearly 99.9% female and Capncock leading the army. The DCP, like always, are just looking for war and will not occupy our land. However, the RPF have made it clear they only want to fuck shit up in a “clean war.” Let me tell you something, Elmikey. You’re fighting the Nachos, the most decorated and powerful army in history. You won’t get a clean war. Nor will you escape this war alive; only through your army’s death may you escape.

Rednecks across the Nacho territories have assembled in loose militias to fight the invading armies.

Several ITSA agents were captured and executed, as they refused to talk. The ACP are currently at war with the SWAT as well. The focus on DW has been removed and now all efforts by the Nachos will be concentrated on the RPF and ACP.

This is Shiver with the TSN News Network.

 

 

ACP Ownership Changes; Debates Official Name Change

Following the retirement of Mchappy as Premier and President of the Peoples’ Republic of the ACP, several ownership changes have gotten ACP noobs and onlookers butthurt.

Among those are Tori being named Co-Premier and Monsoon being promoted to Propaganda Chief and Foreign Minister. Along with Vice Presidents Foldez and Purple Slime, there are actually now less males in the ACP leadership than females. Co-Premier and President Capncook and Eternal Honorable Chairman Shaboomboom have denied allegations that ACP’s female owners have no backbone (although some report they have surrendered to a force of 10 Nachos in the past) and that they are perfectly capable of leading alone (although Capncook always has to be around during battles or shit doesn’t get  done.)

Courtesy of the new ACP ownership

 A violent rage by an ACP General (which was on Positively ACP but is now deleted,) explained his/her’s disdain for the ACP hero Cassiusbrutus being named Head Diplomat and Socialist Ambassador, as they felt as they could do better although they did not even know that ACP was at war with SWAT. After a roughing-up by Capncook, they shut the fuck up and deleted the post. Heh.

In other news, former ACP Premier and ACP Hall of Shame recipient Seanehawk/Meat has been spotted on ACP chat. He is suspected to be a moderator and current ACP troop. If you have any information, contact us on our “Send Us Reviews” page. Thanks, bitches.

This has prompted a convention, where the High Council of the PRACP will debate a name change (because who fought the best wars? Men.) Among the proposed name changes were:

* Laundry Room of CP

* Kitchen of CP

* Sandwich Making Army of CP

Being the unbiased and based news site we are, we are going to let you pick the new name for ACP in this poll. Enjoy, assholes!

This has been a TSN news report by Shiver, wishing all our valued readers a good day.

Mchappy Found Wasted; Retires

The missing leader of the ACP has finally returned, aboard a taxi cab which trotted through the Breeze streets unnoticed. However, the cab was stopped for erratic driving and it was discovered that Mchappy, ACP leader, was inside.

The discovery of the cab carrying Mchappy

The Breeze police department immediately arrested the RPF cab driver on charges of kidnapping. Mchappy was taken to the Oagalthorp Memorial Hospital, where he was treated for a broken sternum, strained phallus, and an overdose on vicodin. In a blood test taken by the ITSA, there were traces of alcohol and several painkillers in the ACP leader’s circulatory system.

Mchappy told investigators that he became lost during his drive back to Breeze, and had stopped at a local strip joint, Flarry’s Pleasure Palace, for a beer and erotic pleasure. However, after becoming drunk and shot-up on painkillers, he got involved in a high-stakes game of Texas hold ’em, he miserably lost all of pocket cash (believed to be 50,000 coins) and his exotic sports car, a 160,000 coin Nissan GTR-V. Left only with an erection and small box of vicodin, he hailed an RPF cab and traded the illicit drugs for a lift home.

Flarry’s Pleasure Palace, a popular Nacho strip club and local favorite

The RPF cab driver was released later on in the day. Feeling as ACP was too nooby, immature, and a strain on his acutal life to lead, he said “fuck it” and announced his retirement. Capncook, still awaiting trial for causing the current economic recession in ACP, was appointed permanent leader, to the disappointment of the ACP people. The new Premier of the PRACP has inherited the several luxuries Mchappy held as leader, including a golden urinal, marijuana garden, and unlimited access to the ACP treasury.

Mchappy has moved out of the Presidential Palace and has moved into a 1.7 million coin beachfront mansion in the Nacho territory of White House. He is now living in luxury, proving the only way to win at CP armies is to not get involved in them.

This was a TSN report brought to you by our proud sponsors, the Nachos Army of Club Penguin, making ACP look like shit since 2012.

DW Attack Thwarted, Attackers In Custody

Driving up the road to Ltshaqcena’s Spirit Shack in a convoy of 3 pitch-black Chevrolet Tahoes, the DW resolved to take the Nacho capitol by storm.

However, unforeseen resistance by 13 armed redneck Nachos sent the attackers packing. The armed Nachos were across the street in a bar watching a NASCAR race when they spotted around 8-10 dark-colored men toting assault weapons. A volley of beer bottles and buckshot rained upon these attackers, spilling blood and cheap alcohol on the cracked asphalt of the under-maintained Fjord streets. The sound of the Dark Warriors’ assault weapons had interrupted them while watching the 42nd lap of the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race at Road America, and therefore had made them furious.

Low res pic of the crime scene

It is fortunate that our least valuable members of Nacho society had responded to this crisis, as our own standing army and police force were celebrating the invasion of the Dark Warrior capitol of Half Pipe on a nude beach southwest of the city square. Whatever the fuck they were doing, it seemed more important than keeping their own shit intact. Edd, Nacho leader and village idiot, has responded to the crisis by stationing autotypers near the city borders, like it would actually do shit.

By the time our actual police force had arrived from their beachside gala, it had been 6 hours and the suspected Dark Warrior insurgents had been tied up and stunk of Miller Light and urine. They have been taken into custody and put on a 2,300,000 coin bond. 10 AKS-74 rifles were recovered from a hunting rifle round-riddled Tahoe in the convoy, as well as 3000 rounds of ammo located in the glove compartment and where the airbag is supposed to be. Though unrelated to the attack, around 6 kilos of cocaine were taken from the lead vehicle and have been sold to local dealers instead of being investigated by the police.

The DW are currently in custody awaiting trial on the 30th.

The Nachos are currently at war with the Dark Warriors over a tourney battle, err troop stealing. The SWAT Crime Family is also at war with the PRACP due to disputes about the drug trade.

This has been a short post on TSN, as we could not find any other shit to post on.

Shiver Speaks: Rant On Nacho/DW War

Like always, our Glorious Nacho Empire is ran by perfectly sane and just leaders with the good of the army always at mind. This is Shiver on the segment “Shiver Speaks,” concerning long, edgy rants with absolutely no pictures.

In a meeting at the Fjord Convention Center with WV and AR representatives, the Nachos have formally ordered the DW to go fuck themselves. Now, one wonders why our Great Nacho Empire needs allies, but I’ll get to that soon in this post. Honor aside, it is always more fun to fuck shit up with friends on your side. Unless, of course, it is a gonzo porn movie.

Before this shitstorm fell upon us, the Nachos have had as great relations with the Dark Warriors as President Bush and the American economy. Just recently, in January, a vicious war with DW left our shit turned upside down. This war was a reality check, to prove that we, as Nachos, were not indeed the greatest army (although we are pretty damn great right now.) Even though we got our asses kicked, several noob Nachos claim we somehow won the war even though the Treaty of Reconstruction was totally against us and treated us as the losers.

As always, shit talk is rampant among the two armies. The DW began to yell bullshit at the Nachos for winning a tourney battle that meant literally nothing (Nachos had more locked out than DW had total troops.) The Nachos responded by spewing bullshit and overused comments such as “lol u died 3 tiems” and “u r bot users” (although the former comment always seems to get some DW owners mad, see Crazy.)

If you are a loyal and obedient Nacho troop,  you would remember how the Hot Sauce Army shit the bed after being utterly raped and defiled by our Glorious army. It may be coincidental (hell no) that nearly all HSA owners who had been in the army before it’s death are now in owner positions in the DW. While it may seem like overkill that we’re fucking up an army for no reason, I believe our Glorious leaders have done it for the good of our Prosperous army.

No, fuck that. What good is this war? DW isn’t even DEFENDING against us. Thats not a fucking war. This is running around grabbing empty servers. Is it odd that DW is going after the weakest army in the pact, WV, while ignoring the powerhouses AND using allies? Yeah, ok. If Edd/Ads are looking for revenge against DW, they aren’t going to get it. No way. The DW are going to sit back and watch the dumbfuck Nachos run around and waste morale taking servers, when they’re probably just going to one-up them and take them all back in secret invasions. Not to mention some no-life cocksucker from RPF will probably just raid our battles and cause the egotistical leaders of DW and Nachos to rage at each other accusing each other of bot use. I predict there will be a rage post in the coming day.

To counter our rather unfair triumverate of top 5 armies, the BA has reformed earlier than orginally planned and decided to fuck our alliance up the ass by bringing all of the cancer cells of CP armies into one big ass tumor. The Black Alliance, also known as the “Pirates using SWAT and DW to fight their wars and becoming fucked when those armies shut down” has declared war on the White Alliance (no racism intended, although AR is in it.) The ACP has jumped into this war and declared war on the BA (like they will make an impact other than calling for allies every single battle) without a permanent leader and extreme corruption in their ranks.

In other news, Edd and Ads are planning on raiding the final battle of the AWL, because they did not get what they wanted in the previous battle. Giving a good example for their troops to follow, they will ruin everyone else’s fun just because they lost in an online game that actually is not a game. CPAC has issued a set of sanctions that would be issued (no matter how much you deny it, these consequences can and will make your army turn into a pile of shit.)

Now readers, what the fuck do you think will happen in this war?

This is Shiver, CPAC Editor in Chief and TSN Reporter wishing all of TSN’s valued readers a good day.

Mchappy Missing, ACP Panicking

While on his diplomatic escapade to the Nacho Empire (in which he inadvertently began investigation on a sex scandal,) PRACP Premier and President Mchappy has gone missing. No leads have been established, although it may have to do with Elmikey’s recent release from the Governor Linkin State Prison, which were reported 6 minutes and 29 seconds apart.

Elmikey has denied playing any part, although he claims he saw a green penguin driving by in a Nissan GTR-V near the ACP border while in a prison transport van. No other information has been collected, other than a phone call from the Fjord Grand Hotel an hour before he departed for Breeze. Call logs trace the number to an unknown contact in the Army Republic (not to be confused with the Club Penguin Army Ku Klux Klan Chapter.)

Milk cartons sold in ACP now bear this image

 

Even in deep fucking shit situation due to the raped economy, the ACP were planning a return parade for their esteemed chairman (taken from tax funds of course.) The news that their leader has gone missing in Nacho territory is terrible news, as former ACP leader Seanehawk is rumored to be rotting in a Nacho jail to this day, not that anyone really gave a shit. The Nacho premiership has denied any involvement in the disappearance, and they released a press statement calling the disappearance a “tragedy’ and ‘unfortunate.’  Well, whatever the fuck that means, we’ll probably find out somehow. No doubt on that.

Desperate as fuck, Eternal Chairman Shaboomboom has appointed corrupt politician and cause behind the depression, Capncook, and Chat Nazi Flipmoo as ACP leaders (as if that means anything special these days.) A search party has been sent to find Mchappy and is currently searching bars, strip clubs, and pubs across the Nacho Empire. Shiver’s Sex Club 7 was believed to be a location where he could be hiding, due to frequently sneaking out there for Horny Hour.

ACP troops crying out for their beloved leader

Being a super unbiased and fair reporter, my theory on the disappearance is the following; Mchappy gave up on ACP because they are too nooby to even have a chance to save. With chat nazis such as Japan banning for the word “sex” and noobs running free on their chat, it is no wonder he ran away. A man could only take so much of ACP without dropping dead of brain cancer or an epileptic seizure; I nearly developed Noobitis when I was the unfortunate staff member of CPAC sent to report on an ACP event.

Flipmoo has refused comment, and being the chat nazi he is, banned me for 6 hours for advertising our Glorious Nacho news outlet. ACP propaganda on “Positively ACP” has utterly failed to control the raging masses of distraught troops, which have gathered in the streets crying for the loss of their only somewhat sane leader since Seanehawk, although I personally believe there has never been a sane person (if there ever was a human ACP) to grace the leadership of the ACP. The troops have refused to pay attention to incompetent leaders (I agree with noobs for once,) and will only listen to Mchappy, much like how our very own Nacho noobs only listen to Puckley. Riots have broken out all across the ACP Nation. Bonfires fueled by burning ACP propaganda are now commonplace.

The Breeze Riots

In other news, bots have become unrelenting in their attacks on the ACP; possibly due to no-life faggots getting enjoyment off of playing CP, or more likely the ACP being too fucking dumb to click “Ignore’ on the bots and the noob owners giving the bot handlers what they want by raging. Tip to ACP; the bots are all your fucking fault for opening yourselves up to it. Just a reminder.

And you can now see how superior the Nachos are to the ACP, as we do not cry out for our missing leaders (at least not our sane troops) and can operate optimally with our unbalanced ownership. We don’t go on the streets to throw shitstorms; we do that on chat. Maybe thats how ACP works, but not for the Nachos. Now readers, what the fuck do you think happened?

This is Shiver, signing off, wishing all our valued TSN readers a good day.

Rebel Penguin Federation: Defining Logic

Hello everyone, and welcome to The Stale Nacho. My name is Marcin. You may remember me from such articles as TSN Investigates: The ‘Noob’ Soldier and The Faggotry of Camperjohn64. Before you begin reading this post, I would like to to inform you that this post has been fully funded by the Rebel Penguin Federation.

Today I will be giving you readers a closer look on the Rebel Penguin Federation, and how friendly they are!

*Insert pic of RPF colored picture here*
Note: I actually got too lazy to do this, but I’ll leave it in anyways.

You see this? It’s a nicely colored in picture that I doodled in myself, courtesy of the RPF. This picture will be up for auction shortly, so be patient since I know you want it.

Now, you’re probably thinking to yourself, ‘Wow, this RPF army sure seems really cool to give us free coloring pages!’ Now, if you were to tell your parents that this Club Penguin Army was giving you free coloring pages, I’m sure they’d be pretty stoked. I bet they would even want to check out the site you got it from right? Well, you see children, that is where RPF’s logic has flunked.

An RPF soldier holding an ‘ECC Thrower 3000’ gun.

A stupid ass looking penguin, shown above, graces the header on RPF’s site. It saddens me to say that that isn’t even the only penguin wielding a gun in their header, there are two others, as can be vaguely shown behind the penguin displayed. Honestly, you to be a new level of stupid to think putting penguins with guns on the main display of your site will encourage parents to allow their children to visit said site. Creating a “Parents” page probably does nothing, as your quirky-like humor has ultimately failed you. Let’s also not forget your website is so laggy, I can’t even scroll on it. It’s that pathetic.

I showed my mother the RPF website to see what she had to say. She had no words, she died of autism obtained from just glancing at the website. Thanks a lot RPF, you owe me a new mother.

What RPF thinks their soliders and soldiers’ parents look like. (taken from RPF’s site)

You would think the leaders of RPF would have more logic than to believe their troops are plants, but you’d be surprised to find out they don’t. This leads me to ask you guys, the readers, are the RPF doomed with their logic? Or are they, in fact, revolutionizing the term ‘logic’ by thinking parents want their kids to have guns in a growing society that’s pushing for stricter gun laws?

To close this post, I would like to mention that RPF purposely created a picture of them floating in lemon piss.

I swear, they made this themselves.

As always, this has been Marcin. Have a nice day, TSN Readers!